The Identify thief
Recently I’ve found myself being stolen of a Martha I knew and loved so very much. A thief is in the air, and I am unsure as if this taken identity is because of growth and through positive inner changes or whether its been through pressures and conforming to those around me.
Of course, we are not the same person we were at 5 compared to 15 or even 25. We do of course grow. I understand that. For me, these changes seem to be a lot more progressive and sudden. Although there are fundamental basics that I keep too, like being a more positive out looker, I’ll first see the more beneficial changes of this identity change. I have become a lot more aware of surroundings, the wider picture, the future and what it entails i.e. environment. Because I have realised, WHAT I DO MATTERS?!?! (not sounding too big headed) but everything I do have an impact in the result of the planet. Hence why I have been a full time pescatarian since September. For me, I have looked back or miss meat AT ALL! I can really resonate with being someone that is happy to say NO to meat. That is a identity I can happily promote.
I have struggled with another part of my identity, being a non-drinker in a *currently* heavy drinker situation and culture. It’s not surprising that being a uni, it is an obstacle that will come up whether you’re a drinker or not. I’ve found myself being stuck between a rock and a hard place. I struggle to really let myself stay strong and not let peer pressure of others around me persuade me to do something I promote myself of not doing something like drinking.
At the moment, I’m even unsure of the real person I am. Am I bubbly and loud? Non-stop chattier, someone that makes people feel good? Or am I the shy, calm talk things clearly with thought and precision? I HAVE NO CLUE!! Maybe I can be all of them. But sometimes even I then get confused who the ‘REAL’ Martha is.
Yes we are never the same thought the entirety of the day. Emotions changes even by the hour. I guess I struggle with the idea that for everyone situation I become a different ‘Martha’ persona.
Personality indemnity is something that really can get you down if you let it. Constantly changing your hats with different people, environment, situations and I STRUGGLE WITH NO MYSELF.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with not being one personality. Maybe its even a good thing? I’m still trying to find myself and learn to love all the hats I wear. Because they all compliment my outfit which at the end of the day, is me.
From my online hat,
Simply Martha x